he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize