Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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