there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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