If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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