he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Randomize
