My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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