We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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