Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
