I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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