pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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