Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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