just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
