just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
