ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
