i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
