she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
