So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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