It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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