considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
