If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
