So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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