why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
