i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
