And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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