my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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