My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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