I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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