oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
