It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
