just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
This beer is not sobering me up at all
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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