Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
