everyone is single if you try hard enough
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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