I hope mine doesn't look like that
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize