My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
