Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
