I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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