so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
sex in a hospital.. check
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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