i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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