I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
