I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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