why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
