is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
