She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
