no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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