her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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