I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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