I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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