I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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