If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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