Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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