I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
