I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
