His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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