Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
