If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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