i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
