Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
