cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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