She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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