HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
