Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
