I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
