(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
