and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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