Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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