On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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