how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
