i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
