return my video game
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
