I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
