That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
