i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
