hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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