I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
