I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
